can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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