at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
