Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
