She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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