I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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