Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you inspire me to be a worse person
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
