Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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