There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
