I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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