Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
