Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
