I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
