6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Fuck appropriateness.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
