Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
