I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
