Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
