Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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