Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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