I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
People with herpes should wear stickers.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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