Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
