you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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