I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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