Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
