He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
