i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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