Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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