John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
