I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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