Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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