I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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