did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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