apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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