well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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