I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
