And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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