i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend