yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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