i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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