Texts From Last Night

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.

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  (217): My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building. http://tfl.nu/he38
  Replies (5) Good night (1037) Bad night (2007)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable

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  (586): the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable http://tfl.nu/6hw3
  Replies (32) Good night (1283) Bad night (1913)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's

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  (443): i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's http://tfl.nu/fnpd
  Replies (38) Good night (3398) Bad night (670)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.

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  (571): She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that. http://tfl.nu/q72a
  Replies (24) Good night (1613) Bad night (3757)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???

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  (702): If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy??? http://tfl.nu/4rkp
  Replies (30) Good night (786) Bad night (4935)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.

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  (860): He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter. http://tfl.nu/21c2
  Replies (18) Good night (5151) Bad night (1484)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.

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  (651): i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/14sr
  Replies (5) Good night (2967) Bad night (906)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.

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  (920): Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/t9h7
  Replies (9) Good night (2289) Bad night (856)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?

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  (780): This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it? http://tfl.nu/t3fk
  Replies (9) Good night (2187) Bad night (682)
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  (619): View more from California

  I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.

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  (619): I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca. http://tfl.nu/7xxl
  Replies (10) Good night (1981) Bad night (1381)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.

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  (704): I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks. http://tfl.nu/gvia
  Replies (3) Good night (742) Bad night (1385)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds

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  (317): I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds http://tfl.nu/xjyo
  Replies (5) Good night (575) Bad night (265)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars

  (770): View more from Georgia

  wait nvm its a dude

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  (770): Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars (770): wait nvm its a dude http://tfl.nu/bj4y
  Replies (0) Good night (460) Bad night (393)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low

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  (802): I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low http://tfl.nu/lnwt
  Replies (2) Good night (430) Bad night (326)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!

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  (615): By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know! (1-615): Who is this? Did we just become best friends?! http://tfl.nu/l3le
  Replies (5) Good night (911) Bad night (297)

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