Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...

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(914): I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad... http://tfl.nu/rc76

Replies (47) Good night (701) Bad night (2857)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.

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(401): I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths. http://tfl.nu/qww0

Replies (37) Good night (1026) Bad night (2347)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.

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(910): that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time. http://tfl.nu/0332

Replies (11) Good night (793) Bad night (3564)
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(817): View more from Texas

he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur

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(817): he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur http://tfl.nu/33k4

Replies (42) Good night (2048) Bad night (7925)
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(206): View more from Washington

someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.

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(206): someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'. http://tfl.nu/u94d

Replies (9) Good night (6957) Bad night (848)
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(260): View more from Indiana

Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?

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(260): Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement? http://tfl.nu/iy8f

Replies (8) Good night (1015) Bad night (2708)
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(904): View more from Florida

Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.

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(904): Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again. http://tfl.nu/hcx3

Replies (1) Good night (788) Bad night (1696)
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(303): View more from Colorado

You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.

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(303): You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead. http://tfl.nu/vdho

Replies (1) Good night (2008) Bad night (455)
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(734): View more from Michigan

I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.

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(734): I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons. http://tfl.nu/bvxd

Replies (11) Good night (1146) Bad night (475)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.

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(480): I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level. http://tfl.nu/m64o

Replies (5) Good night (2922) Bad night (513)
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(914): View more from New York

Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.

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(914): Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played. http://tfl.nu/0gxi

Replies (4) Good night (2440) Bad night (389)
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(618): View more from Illinois

She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life

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(618): She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life http://tfl.nu/m1em

Replies (8) Good night (2545) Bad night (545)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...

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(703): I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1... http://tfl.nu/7tjh

Replies (2) Good night (1169) Bad night (332)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.

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(603): There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here. http://tfl.nu/dbwx

Replies (2) Good night (776) Bad night (264)
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(937): View more from Ohio

He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling

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(937): He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling http://tfl.nu/peso

Replies (8) Good night (814) Bad night (189)

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