just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?