Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records