He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green