i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
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Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.