i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.