I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
