he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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