yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize