And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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