I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
