If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
