Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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