also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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