I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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