The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
