Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i believe in u and ur pee
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
