I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
