My hand turned me down
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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