do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
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Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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