that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
