Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
