Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
that's an acceptable place to lick
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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