ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
