stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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