And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
