Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
