I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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