even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
