I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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