Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
