I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
