why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
