i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
