My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
