it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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